Onderstaand is een Engelse post voor mijn Engelse blog/website: Social Nerd Coaching. Aangezien het over de bruiloft gaan en over hoe Natasja en ik elkaar ontmoet hebben heb ik besloten het hier ook te posten.
Bedenk bij het lezen van deze post dat de doelgroep van Social Nerd Coaching mensen zijn die sociaal niet vreselijk vaardig zijn – zoals ik dat ook was.
When I was 14-15 years old I was terrible with girls. I was this shy kid who just didn’t dare interact with them.
I thought I’d always be alone and that I would just devote my life to the Navy. On Oct 12th, I’m getting married. Holy shit.
Picard as an example
Like I mentioned: I was terrible with girls back when I was young(er). Like most teens I found the opposite sex fascinating, yet terrifying to talk to.
At the time I was also watching a lot of Star Trek: The Next Generation. The main character there, Jean-Luc Picard is the captain of a starship.
He doesn’t have a family or kids. His life is purely about Starfleet – the organization he works for.
I thought: there, that’s my solution. Focus my life on the Navy, ignore women altogether. Problem solved.
How preparing for the Navy introduced me to my future wife
As I was preparing for the Navy I learned that part of being an officer would be to attend parties at embassies when you were visiting a port.
At these parties you were expected to dance. No, not just any dance – ballroom dances.
Dancing was something I was especially terrible at, so I knew I would need help.
So, when my school offered dancing classes prior to prom I thought it would be a good opportunity to practice.
As it turned out there were hundreds of students who wanted to take dance classes. Instead of just one class at Friday 15.00 there would now be two classes. One would be 15.00, the other 16.00.
There was one problem however: men were scarce. So the dance teacher asked volunteers to stick around for the other hour as well to give the ladies somebody to dance with.
“Very well – extra practice for the Navy!” I thought.
Fast forward a bit – during the dance classes I met my first girlfriend. We dated for 10 months and then broke it off because we were too different.
During the other hour of dance lessons I would frequently dance with this other girl though. This girl called Natasja. It turned out she was also a friend of my then-girlfriend.
Over time we grew closer and closer and became best friends.
We texted a lot, used IM (MSN Messenger anyone?) and talked on the phone for hours.
At some point it was clear we could be something more. But we were very hesitant to take the leap and turn out friendship into a romance.
What if things didn’t work out? What if we drifted apart? That would cost us our best friend. Wouldn’t want that.
At some point we (mostly I) decided to take the plunge. I kissed her.
Awkwardness followed, naturally, but it worked out.
It worked out so well that I can definitely call her my soulmate. And 12 years after we started our relationship we are getting married. Holy shit.
Terrible now doesn’t mean terrible forever
Like I mentioned at the start of this post – I was terrible with the opposite sex.
You might be too. And you might think that you will never find somebody or have a relationship. For several years I thought so too.
I was very, very wrong about that.
The fact that you’re terrible or awkward around girls/guys now doesn’t mean that that is how it will be for the rest of your life.
I understand that you might despair now and think that you might die alone. But I don’t believe that will happen.
Keep working on yourself. Keep improving who you are as a person. Try to talk to the opposite sex as if there were a person (hey, they are!) and just go from there.
And who knows, maybe, in a couple weeks/months/years you’ll be in a relationship too. Even if the odds of that seem remote or impossible now – you never know when it will happen.